


Have you closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?

by tintentod



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky and Steve on a trip into a different universe, F/M, Kid Fic, M/M, Post-Civil War, Sort of AU, Stucky - Freeform, a bit of het smut, all for the greater good, female!Steve, female!Steve is getting pregnant, genderswap!steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-02 16:18:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8674189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tintentod/pseuds/tintentod
Summary: “I’m going back to sleep. When I wake up and still have tits, that’s when we discuss this whole mess.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blessyourdoubts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blessyourdoubts/gifts).



> As some of you might have noticed [Blessyourdoubts](http://www.archiveofourown.org/users/blessyourdoubts) and I are stuck in Stucky-hell together and because of that, we write each other fics. She wrote me some lovely stories for my birthday and now it's my turn to try my hand on a rough idea she threw my way. Starting from today I'll post a new chapter every Sunday until Christmas and there will be an additional chapter on Christmas as well, yay for that. Hope you enjoy this, it's a bit rough around the edges, but please bare with me. 
> 
> The warning "Explicit" refers to one of the future chapters, just be warned there will be smut involved.

It’s a couple of weeks before Christmas and once again Bucky wonders if even villains are too busy buying gifts for their hated ones to cause trouble. All of the Avengers are for once at the compound, every single one because - as was expected - sooner than later Steve and Tony did sit down and have a serious talk. As Steve told him later, it was Tony who apologized first, telling him what it took him it understand how much Bucky means to Steve and how it will take take for him to trust Bucky. In turn Steve apologized for not talking to him and understanding what Tony was going through, the break up with Pepper, realizing who had killed his parents. It was so much for the two of them, but somehow they figured it out and everyone was more than thankful for it. 

 

Yet, moving in with the other Avengers was still something to get used to. All the antics and sudden Gods popping up to say hello. Just like today, when all of the sudden Thor and Jane knocked on their door. At least they took a cab from the airport because Thor wanted to try for Jane. Unfortunately, neither of them knew what Bucky and Steve were going through at that time. 

 

When Bucky came back and they _fixed_ him, he and Steve talked about their future. They still made tests and checked on his memory, seeing how much of the Winter Soldier was still inside of him, but so far everything was going well. Neither of them was the same person they had been before the war and only now they had time to get to know each other. One important thing they realize pretty soon was, they still loved each other more than words could say. It was different than before, but nonetheless strong and showed them, they wanted more. Now they could walk down the street hand in hand without anyone looking at them twice accept the occasional homophobic asshole they both ignored because it didn’t matter. What mattered was for them to know they wanted to take the next step with a ring and the big yes. And maybe, just maybe, a child. 

 

Talking about a child meant, talking about the possibilities and they were few and far in-between, the likeliest was for them to adopt, if they couldn’t have one of their own. Bucky remembered talking to Bruce about surrogate mothers and how either his or Steve’s kids would turn out. And what he heard made his stomach drop. There were chances for the kid to be as sick as Steve was before the serum or the serum not going so well and twist the DNA too much. Bucky didn’t understood everything Bruce explained him, but it was enough for them to cross this option off the list. So adoption it was and while they both knew about their past, knowing how everything they did was plastered all over the magazines and news channels, they decided it was worth a try. 

 

While Steve was once again out on a mission with the rest, Bucky took care of the papers. They met before with lawyers talking about their chances, already knowing they were pretty slim in their case, but they wanted to be optimistic. Bucky wanted to believe his decision not getting a new arm, staying out of the fighting, and a letter of recommendation from T’Challa would help; the king of Wakanda the only person who knew what he and Steve were planning, deciding it was for the better because neither of them wanted to face all the teasing from Tony or stupid jokes Clint probably would make. 

 

Once the paperwork was done, all they could do was wait and that was what they did for the past three months. Three months of hoping and fearing and planning, all that lead to this day. Bucky had been staring at the envelope when Steve stepped into the kitchen, looking at the scenery and immediately realizing what this was about. Luckily, Steve had always been the braver one of the two so Bucky watched him taking the envelope and opening it, biting his thumbnail as he watched Steve’s face turning from anxious to crestfallen. Bucky didn’t have to read it to know what it meant and when he got up and wrapped his arm around Steve, he felt as if this was not enough to convey what he was feeling. 

 

It just wasn’t fair, Bucky thought but didn’t dare say it out loud. They both already knew that. Maybe Bucky deserved this kind of mistrust, but Steve? Steve with a heart of gold, who always put everyone before himself, he deserved more than being told they couldn’t be trusted taking care of a child. 

 

And now he was sitting on the side of the training area, watching Steve trying to get rid of all his frustration by beating Natasha. Natasha was good, too good, but with what was on Steve’s mind it was sheer impossible to stay on his feet longer than thirty seconds which in turn frustrated Steve only more. Bucky was so focused on the heartbreaking sadness radiating from each grunt and move Steve made, he didn’t realize Jane joining him.

 

“Are you two fine?”

 

Apparently this was the second time Jane addressed Bucky, her hand on his arm to get his attention and when he turned to her, he was overwhelmed by the true concern radiating from her. They hadn’t met that many times since his return to the living, but he could see why Thor and her were such a good match, both of them with the same love in their hearts as Steve. Maybe that was why he dug for the letter he had crumbled up and shoved into the pocket of his hoodie and just handed it to her. He knew she could be trusted and it would explain everything so much better than he ever could.

 

And Bucky wasn’t disappointed. Jane read the letter, but nothing gave away what she was trusted with, not even when she once again reached out and gave his arm a light squeeze.

 

“That’s not fair,” she finally said and handed Bucky the letter back, which he pushed back into the pocket. 

 

“I know. Steve deserves a shot at a normal life after everything he’s done.”

 

“So do you.”

 

The light touch felt good and grounded Bucky because he already felt as if he was ripping at the seams. He knew Steve had to deal with this in his own way, but it didn’t mean Bucky was doing any better although he was sure his thoughts were much different from Steve’s.

 

Maybe they had asked for too much too soon. Maybe they had to try again. He wanted a child as much as Steve, but he had just as many doubts. Will he be a good father? What if he relapsed and hurt the child? There were times during the wait in which his fear nearly choked Bucky, wondering if their decision to adopt was a wise one. Now, he didn’t have to worry and that worries him just as much. He couldn’t say how Steve would react to his thoughts so maybe sharing them with Jane was for the better.

 

They kept watching Steve and Natasha and if it wouldn’t have been for Natasha telling Steve to stop, Bucky had no idea how much longer they would have kept this up. Natasha was drenched in sweat, but so was Steve, who was trying to breath as evenly as possible as he stepped over to where Bucky and Jane were sitting. Just the simple gesture of putting his hand on Bucky’s neck was enough to tell him how upset he still was, the tension just as palpable than before they stepped into the ring. Bucky wanted to say anything to make him feel better, but was lacking the right words and so he watched him stepping away a moment later. 

 

The initial plan for Thor and Jane’s visit was getting together for a barbecue, but Steve excused himself after a bottle of beer and seeing Bucky didn’t feel like celebrating himself, followed a bit later. It was still early in the evening, but they both went to bed without many words. And while Bucky was holding Steve that night, cradling him against his body and just caressing his neck by running his fingertips up and down the sensitive skin, he tried to remember of a different time when Steve was this crushed. He wanted to believe there was another chance for them, that this no didn’t mean anything, but he knew this was not what either of them wanted to hear. 

 

Somehow, and Bucky had no idea how, they fall asleep because the next thing he knew was for a loud, booming voice echoing through the room and waking him up.

 

“Greetings, my dear friends.” 

 

Startled, Bucky jolted up and looked at a beaming Thor who stood at the foot of their bed, tray with breakfast in his hand, and looking at them like the proudest person on this planet. 

 

“The Lady Jane and I discussed the hardship you are facing and we want to stand by your side in these times of trouble,” he continued as if there was nothing strange about him being in their quarters, looking as fresh and rested as ever. Bucky would have loved to focus on this, but hearing the rustling on the other side of the bed and connecting it with what Thor just said, he prepared himself for a very pissed of Steve. However, before he could make amends and told Steve how sorry he was for talking to Jane about it, Thor continued.

 

“You fought along with me in many battles, Captain, and I hope I will have a place in the songs and tales that will be told to your childrens.”

 

Bucky shook his head. “Hey, pal, I think you got something wrong here…”

 

“Son of Barnes, do not fret, as wrong as this might seem to you…”

 

“Thor, what’re you…” The voice next to Bucky stopped, but it was enough to confuse Bucky even more. This was not Steve. Most definitely not Steve. Despite the slight roughness in it, it was still too high to belong to a man. And when Bucky turned around, he stared at someone who could have been Steve’s sister that with the ridiculously long lashes and full lips, nose just a bit smaller than the slightly crooked one Bucky was so used looking at. The woman looked from Thor to Bucky and then down her body, throwing the covers to the side and scrambling up the mattress as she looked at the nearly naked form she uncovered. There was panic in her face and it was in that exact moment Bucky’s mind caught up.

 

“My dear Captain, please look at this as an early gift for Christmas from Jane and me,” Thor continued, even stepping closer and putting the tray between Steve, who was now panting and grabbing for something to cover her body, and Bucky. Who just wanted to reach out and noticed a second too late he reached for Steve with his left arm. His left flesh arm. His heart jumped in his chest, making him so dizzy he had to close his eyes for a second. 

 

“If you don’t explain us what’s going on, I now have two hands to try and kill you.”

 

Apparently, it only slowly sunk in how neither Steve or Bucky understood what was happening because all that followed was a tiny, “Oh,” followed by some rustling and the mattress dipping on Steve’s side as Thor sat down. “We want to gift you the chance of a child.” The genuineness, the hope radiating from Thor was nearly choking Bucky despite him having his eyes closed and he was glad for Steve speaking up first.

 

“And turning me into a woman without talking to me first seemed like the best idea for you guys to go about it?”

 

When Bucky cracked his eyes open and saw Thor’s confused face, he felt a bit bad for him because he could tell how well he meant. However, Steve had a point. “Steve is right. How should we explain that to the rest of the group? Or me growing a new arm. I’m not a fucking lizard.”

 

“My friends, I did not mean any harm and my apologies if what I did cause you discomfort. After consulting Heimdall, asking for his advice in such a delicate matter, taking you to an alternate world appeared to be the only possibility without harming the balance of your realm.”

 

“You mean, we’re not in New York? Where are we?” Despite the change in the voice, Bucky could still hear the slight panic in Steve’s words and he didn’t feel much different. As weird it was not to feel the drag to the right because of the missing left arm or looking at Steve and not find the bulky, tall man he loved so much, he tried to keep it together. Somehow he even managed scooting closer to Steve and wrapping an arm around her frame, reminding him on the Steve he knew before the war so many years ago.

 

“We are in New York, but not in the universe you are familiar with. You will meet all our friends. Son of Stark, the Falcon, even the Widow. They are just not like the ones you left behind,” Thor explained patiently and as much as Bucky appreciated his try to take the fear from them, the details were still too little to calm him down.

 

“Could you just explain to us how you bringing us here will help us getting a child?”

 

Bucky felt Steve laughing under his touch and when he turned to her, her body was shaking. “He wants me to get pregnant, Buck. I’m just wondering why me.”

 

 

“Because the Steve in this universe is a female, my friend. Where I come from, the guard who protects our world has the power to see every realm to warn us from harm. Some are blessed to look past these realms and in what you call parallel universes. This one, my friends, was the first he found that was convenient for this purpose. But there are certain rules to follow for this undertaking to be successful.” 

 

They were both listening intently, although Bucky still wasn’t sure if this was real. His arm felt real and so did Steve in his arm, but it didn’t mean he wouldn’t wake up any second and for this dream to be over. 

 

“From this day on, you have twenty one days. If you conceive a child in these twenty one days, you will stay in this universe, bear your offspring and all three of you will return to your reality. The two versions of you here, and the people they interacted with, will not remember any of it. If you stay without a child and the clock turns twelve on that last day, you will wake up back in your reality and nothing will change. This I can offer, if you agree.”

 

Bucky’s grip on Steve had tightened to the point the joints in his fingers were aching and he loosened his grip slightly. He wasn’t sure what he wanted, only knowing this was the best and biggest chance getting something that would be theirs. It was a one time opportunity, but it wasn’t his decision to make. If this was something they would do, Steve had to face a lot more than just a new limb. 

 

“What do you say?” he finally dared asking, trying to look Steve in the eye. She was far too silent and he could only assume what was going on inside of her. If this would work, Steve would experience something only a few men were able to, but it was daunting and far more scary than either of them probably wanted to admit. So of course Bucky would be fine with Steve saying no, but when she finally looked up at Thor, all he saw was this stubborn determination. 

 

“We do it. I just have one more question. You said, in this universe I’m a woman. Am I also...am I...will the baby be healthy?” 

 

It was another thought that had been fleetingly crossed Bucky’s mind, but there was so much new and at the same time familiar, he didn’t think of asking that question. At least he could count on Steve focusing on what was important.

 

And although the look on Thor’s face told them the answer, Bucky still held his breath as he watched him leaning over to Steve to place a big hand on her shoulder and only exhaled when he heard him saying, “As strong as an ox.”

 

When Bucky felt all the tension leaving Steve’s body, he realized this was her biggest concern. Not the change in the gender or Bucky’s new arm, only the chance at hand and which card they were dealt. So once this question was settled and they both told Thor they would give it a try, they let them in on more details. How they would remember where they worked and the names of the people around them, the relationships between people and what they had to do; it was soothing to know they hadn’t to worry about their daily routine on top of it. However, when Thor told them he had to return and they would be left alone from now on, Bucky felt something like dread welling up inside him. This was a one time chance, something they wanted for their life and still he was once again faced with his old fears. 

 

Looking at Steve, though, looking at the tiny bit of hope and happiness this was giving her, he wanted for this to work out. And he was ready to talk to her about it right then and there, but once Thor was gone and Bucky turned to Steve, he found her flopping back onto the mattress and pulling the sheets over her head.

 

“I’m going back to sleep. When I wake up and still have tits, that’s when we discuss this whole mess.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seeing it's already Sunday here in good ol' Germany, I'm not sure when I'll find the time posting this, and I don't want to keep my friend waiting, I decided to post this now...on December the 4th. On a Sunday! That's how amazing I am. Hope you enjoy this ^^ 
> 
> Also a little heads up, there is a bit of explicit involved. Not much, but a bit. The next chapter will be filled of smutty goodness.

Bucky looked at Steve’s form under the covers for a moment before he wrapped himself around him without slipping under the blankets himself. All he did was showing her he was there if she wanted to talk, because Bucky just knew she wasn’t sleeping. This was her way of handling the situation and Bucky accepted it. Sometime it took Steve a bit coming around and wanting to talk and that was just fine by him. They just lay in silence, but Bucky’s mind was running wild. Thor gave them a huge chance, probably one no other human being was ever given, but what Bucky got on top was getting a glimpse of another life. One in which this was their reality. No recession, no war, no torture. Just them, being married with each other and living a normal life. 

 

Bucky looked at the ring on his finger, a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips. This was the life he wanted for them, and while what they had was so much more than seventy years ago, they still wanted more. Did they ask for too much? Or was them being sent here just their version of normal? There would be no answer to some of his questions, but one kept coming back and which he wasn’t sure how to deal with. How would he take care of a baby, if they got a baby, with only one arm?

 

When he came out of cryo, he’d been adamant. Last time they cut what was left of his arm, after the fall, off. He remembered the pain, the sound of the saw and the blinding light above him. He also remembered the next time he woke up, the weight on his left side and the adjustments they made without his consent. Now he could decide. Now it was his turn to pick what he wanted. Would he change his mind once they would return with a little one to take care of? 

 

Bucky was getting restless and before Steve would notice his thoughts were eating him up again, he got up and slipped out of the bedroom, only then noticing they were no longer at the compound. As foreign this was suppose to feel, as familiar it was in the end. He knew where the bathroom was and which toothbrush was his, assuming this had something to do with what Thor told them earlier, about how they would remember certain aspects of their life here. Not that he understood a lot of it; Bucky was smart and due to his years being awake a bit more adjusted than Steve, but he guessed the shock and the surprise Thor had for them made it impossible for his brain to catch up. Certainly, there was a chance for them to discuss the details in the future. For now, he wanted to focus on the opportunity at hand. Of course not without talking to Steve about it first. 

 

One thing was pretty clear from the start: It was Steve’s and Steve’s decision alone what would happen. As much as Bucky wanted to make the best of it, this change had a much bigger effect on Steve. Bucky smiled when he went from the bathroom into the kitchen where he made a new breakfast, the one Thor served them already forgotten. Steve would hate him saying it, but seeing this smaller version of him warmed Bucky’s heart. This was the Steve he first fell in love with, and while he didn’t want to compare what they had back in the good old days with their new life, he loved remembering. He loved thinking about Steve cursing whenever he didn’t fit into some hand-me-down clothes from the neighbors, while Bucky’s eyes always lingered one moment too long on his narrow hips.

 

With that in mind, he started making some pancakes and coffee, toast and even cut some fruits, their fridge fully stocked. Bucky couldn’t say when Steve would join him, but he wanted to be prepared and he was actually sure, no matter which version he would meet, all Steve’s would love food.  
He guessed it was the smell of the coffee finally dragging Steve out of bed, yet he didn’t expect her to show up with dressed in nothing but some panties. By then, Bucky sat on the round table in their rather spacious kitchen and sipped on his first cup of coffee, eyes drawn to her slim form. He watched her pouring some coffee and filling her plate with food before turning around to Bucky, giving him a bored look.

 

“Same nipples, maybe a cup bigger. Get over it,” she grumbled as she slipped on a chair opposite of him, looking as confident as ever. Bucky wasn’t sure what he expected, but he admired her for her cool and guessed it was a good sign. That was until she put the mug down after her first sip and shook her head. “I’m not sure if I like this, Buck.”

 

Of course Bucky was understanding, it didn’t change the little nervous ball of anxiety forming in the pit of his stomach. “What exactly?”

 

The look on Steve’s face spoke volumes. She was more than unimpressed by that question, judging by that duh look she was giving him. 

 

“They could have asked. Just sayin somethin. A little heads up. Not this whole ‘throwing us into the cold water and see what we make out of it’ shit.” At least, Bucky thought, she was eating despite the anger she was expressing. However, she was far from finished. “Please, don’t think I wanna be ungrateful. This is just beyond odd. I still wait for this weird feeling to kick in, the same I’d after the serum. The one that tells me that this is not my body while at the same time it is. All I can think about is, this is right and…”

 

“It feels more wrong than anything else,” Bucky finished and nodded. “When I woke up, there was nothing weird about my body. Not even when I noticed I’ve both my arms…”

 

“No offense, but do you wanna compare me being a woman to your arm?” 

 

The same moment Bucky felt like someone punched him in the gut was the same he saw guilt taking over Steve, eyes growing wide and she was out of her seat within seconds. She wrapped her arms around him and he felt her naked breasts pressed against his back, her lips against his cheek. “I’m sorry, Buck. I’m so sorry. I dunno why I said this.” 

 

“Because you’re right. I just...please don’t think this is any better for me. Whatever you decide, it does have the bigger impact on you. At least in this universe. Back in our reality, we both have to handle the change. And having only one arm is one of the things I think about.” Bucky patted Steve’s arm around his chest, leaning into the embrace. What was happening put a lot of strain on both of them, and he knew how certain things could reveal the ugliest faces of the people. And after the fight with Tony, Steve knew it just as well. 

 

“Still, I’m sorry. We should talk about what to do and not make a competition about who has it worse.” She kissed her way from his jawline up to his ear. “And I know this is harder for you, once we’re back. Just remember, I’ve your back.”

 

Bucky kissed her arm and nodded, not sure what else there was to say. Of course Steve would have his back, like always, and now he wanted to have hers, but he didn’t know how. But instead of asking what he could do, the next thing he said was, “Could you please put a shirt on? Your tits are highly distracting.”

 

With a huff, that sounded a lot like a laugh, Steve pulled back and disappeared to get a shirt. “I knew you’d have a field day with that,” she mumbled as she returned while taking the shirt on and sat down again. 

 

“I’ve a field day since I’m your best pal.” Sometimes they were cheesy like this and neither of them minded. They wanted the other to know what they felt and if others heard them, all the better. And somehow, Bucky felt, as if this was now more important than ever. “And you know it won’t change in case you decide to let these twenty-one days pass. Whatever we do, I’m with you.”

 

Bucky’s belly did a little flip when he saw the all too familiar smile on Steve’s face. Not only because this face was suppose to feel familiar, but because he’d seen it already so many times on his’ Steve’s face. 

 

“The idea should freak me out, but it doesn’t. At least not at first, but the longer I think about it, about what would follow...nine months! That’s insane. And then going into labor and…” Steve was talking herself into a rage and all Bucky could do was reaching for her hand. 

 

“Is this the man inside of you freaking out or the typical reaction probably every woman has when it comes to giving birth?”

 

“A good chance it’s both. And it leaves me with the same question once again: should we do it?”

 

While Bucky thought about that question, he brought her hand to his lips and pressed them against her knuckles. “There is a good chance of you socking me on the jaw when I say this again, but I want you to decide. I’ve it easy. I can sit here and tell you, we gotta do this. You’re the ones who has to deal with water in her legs and back pain and morning sickness. Although I’d bet you’d be the cutest pregnant person in the universe.”

 

“You’re right, I’m about to sock you on the jaw. Just tell me what you want us to do.”

 

Bucky sighed, lips still brushing against her skin while he spoke. “Can you imagine having a little one running around? One that is ours? We wouldn’t be afraid of someone taking them away from us or the surrogate mother not giving us the baby in the first place. We’d be up until the wee hours of the night when they get their first tooth, rocking them while doing a google search what will work best for it. Natasha would spoil the child rotten and Clint act as it was annoying him while he’d sing them to sleep. It’s all in my head, Stevie. It’s all there. And I never wanted anything more in my life.”

 

All the time, Bucky had his eyes closed, afraid what he would see in Steve’s face. If she was afraid or felt pressured, but when he did, he saw them her eyes brimming with tears. “Sometimes I hate you, Barnes.” It was said with so much affection, Bucky knew right away what Steve’s answer was. 

 

So, of course, it was only a matter of time for them to be back in their bed. At first it was just a lot of snuggling and hugging and kissing and giggling and while Bucky indeed had a field day, he thought Steve was getting tenser with every piece of fabric that was peeled off. Yes, they still had twenty-one days, but as they both agreed on before heading to the bedroom, there was no shame in getting to know each other. Again. And Bucky tried his hardest to make this as comfortable as possible. 

 

He was sure he could set a record in ‘Exploring Steve Rogers’ body for an endless amount of time’, so while he was familiar with every curve of the male counterpart, this was new to him. Of course Bucky took his sweet time. He peppered her face with kisses, wandering from her forehead down to her eyes; Steve’s ridiculously long eyelashes still tickling his lips as he brushed them over his cheekbones. Bucky was also never gonna get tired of praising Steve, telling her how beautiful she was and how much he enjoyed being with her. What an amazing person she was. Everything he had told Steve before so many times, words he knew, paired with the right touches, had a very obvious effect on him. 

 

Yet, Steve was lacking any kind of response. Bucky did feel her hands on his body, nails brushing over his skin and he would be lying if he said, he didn’t like it. However, he still felt something was missing. 

 

Maybe the talking made her nervous, Bucky thought and put his mouth otherwise to good use, brushing them over her collarbone down her sternum between her breasts and then to her right nipple. Steve even tasted familiar and Bucky sighed when he flicked his tongue around the bud, feeling the flesh hardening and not even hesitating to suck on it. He was gentle, careful, keeping in mind that in her head, this was somewhat new to Steve. He even thought this was the reason why she was handing the reins over to him so willingly and completely. And Bucky took them happily, caressing her pale, freckled skin with his fingers and tongue and lips, kneading her flesh and grinding down on her. Not once did he feel ashamed of letting her know about his semi-boner, feeling his still covered cock, brushing against her knee as he made his way down. 

 

Bucky didn’t leave any part of Steve’s body out, his lips following every curve and bump, tongue dipping into her belly button before he wandered further down. He could smell her sex, how her pubic mound was just that much warmer than the rest of her body. For now he was content just kissing her through the fabric and nuzzling against her, another attempt getting any kind of reaction from Steve. But when he finally dared looking up, he found her all tense and nervous, arm draped over her eyes.

 

Guilt was tugging on every fiber of his being, wondering why she didn’t made him stop and why he didn’t notice sooner. 

 

With a final kiss to her lower belly, Bucky crawled back up again and just scooped her up in his arms. At least, he thought with relief, she allowed him to touch her. Yet, this was so unlike Steve that it left Bucky with too many questions and too much guilt to ask any of them. He was scared shittless of her telling him how this made her uncomfortable, not sure if he could ever look into a mirror again. 

 

So for now he just held her, caressed her belly with his fingertips as she turned to press herself against him, making him the big spoon.

 

“What if it doesn’t work?”

 

Time had passed, Bucky was sure of it. Just how much he didn’t know. He had assumed, Steve fell asleep, but once again all she needed was time for herself.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Again Steve turned in his arms, this time to face Bucky and seeing her so anxious nearly made his heart stop. There was never a situation they couldn’t tackle, nothing to be afraid of. The only time he had seen Steve being scared was the moment before he fell into the ravine. Back then he thought it was the fear of falling himself until Steve told him, it had been the fear of losing Bucky. Knowing this was the same level of fear running through her body made him feel helpless. Sure, there was plenty that could go wrong. What if they got pregnant and the baby wouldn’t come with them? What if Steve had a miscarriage? Would the baby be healthy? The longer Bucky thought about it, the more he understood Steve’s fear, but when she answered his question, his stomach dropped. 

 

“What if we try and I’m not getting pregnant? 

 

This was one of the likeliest possibility they had to face and now her reaction made even more sense to Bucky. Bringing them here didn’t give them a guarantee. Just because they slept with each other once didn’t mean Steve would get pregnant and there were only so many times they could try because he doubted they could just stay in bed for the next twenty-one days. 

 

Bucky held Steve closer, holding her for as long as she needed while he thought about anything to respond. But as so many times before, his mind came up blank. Except for, “Guess that means we’ve to try really hard.” 

 

He called her pinching his side as a small victory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. Hope you enjoyed it. On this note, let me say something real quick: yay for 22 subscriptions. 22 people who decided to subscribe to this little prompt because they thought it looked promising ~~I don't wanna assume you only subscribed because of the smut!!!~~. You guys know what also looks promising? Kudos. And comments. Because both makes the writer happy and keeps them motivated. Just an idea right there ^^ so if you like this, don't hesitate clicking that kudos button [takes a second and means a lot] or even leave a short comment [takes maybe a minute and means a lot as well].
> 
> Again, I wrote this without a beta and I'll double check as soon as I've the time, so please be kind. You can also find me on [tumblr](http://www.secretly-buckybarnes.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not late! I repeat, I'm not late. Somewhere, on this planet, it's still Sunday. So technically, I'm not late! Well...I am late, but real life got in the way. And because I don't want to keep [blessyourdoubts](http://www.archiveofourown.org/users/blessyourdoubts) waiting any longer, this is so not beta'd. I didn't even read it again because there was a 100% chance of me just deleting it all together. Also: this is gonna be explicit. Not as explicit as I'd have liked but I can't force my muse, so what should I tell you?! Anyway, next chapter and enjoy.

The rest of the day was spend with them staying in bed and talking about Thor and Jane and them offering this chance. They discussed what was going on in their universe, if the others knew about them being gone, did time pass just as quickly as it was in their reality...pretty much everything, except for them trying to get pregnant. It was only the first day and they still had to wrap their head around what was going on. Yes, they had something like a deadline, but they would figure things out. Maybe taking this day and just be around each other did them some good. Sure they had to go to work the next day, but they wouldn’t be there twenty-four seven. 

 

Actually, Bucky was looking forward getting out of the house and see how his other self lived and worked. This was normal, how two people who love each other were suppose to live. Their universe was their reality, but it didn’t mean Bucky wasn’t longing for something else every now and then. Judging from what Steve told him during the day, she thought the same and so they were both up bright and early next morning. Bucky was in the kitchen, making breakfast, when Steve stepped into the room and when Bucky turned around he just looked at her. The pencil skirt looked good, just as her blouse and red lipstick and… “Where did you learn to apply eyeliner? Don’t tell me it was Carter because…”

 

“Muscle memory, I’d say,” Steve just said with an eyeroll, fumbling around with her earrings and then headed out into the hallway again, mumbling something along the lines of finding other shoes. But all Bucky could look at was the darker bra peaking through the fabric of her top. Was this how she always dressed? Was this something Steve picked on purpose? When Bucky got dressed this morning, he chose what he assumed was office appropriate and comfortable at the same time, so he didn’t think about it too long. Now, seeing Steve’s delicate body dressed so nicely his mind wanted answers. 

 

He didn’t get any because he was busy saving the bacon from burning and watching Steve’s red lips wrapping around the edge of her glass as she took a sip and yet, he still thought about it as they sat in the car on their way to work.

 

“What is it?” Steve finally asked after five minutes of silence in which Bucky kept stealing glances at her from the corner of his eye. The slit of her skirt showing a bit of her leg, her delicate wrist and neck. 

 

“You look gorgeous.” 

 

And there was the familiar blush, slowly wandering from her neck to her cheeks and then she fidgeted around in her seat. “Never thought of a bra and some lipstick would get you this hot and bothered. On a second thought…”

 

“It’s not that. It’s you. Give me any other women and I’d look at her and think she looks nice. You, though...” More fidgeting around and Bucky was afraid he was actually making her uncomfortable. He didn’t get the chance asking her if that was what made her uncomfortable, but she was quicker.

 

“Is this because I’m...I’m my old self?”

 

Whoomp, there it is, Bucky thought, not sure what to say to this at first. He looked out of the window and while it should have been awkward not being at the compound and heading to a somewhat unknown destination, this felt right. “Would it be bad?”

 

“No, but it’d make me wonder.”

 

“I’m not saying, I don’t love your big-self. This is just...this is how it’s suppose to be. Before the war. Just you and me and…”

 

“And the fear of us getting arrested at any given time.” 

 

“I hate that you’re the reasonable one,” Bucky mumbled, sounding like a sulking child, but at least it had the desired effect and he was sure he saw a smile on Steve’s lips. 

 

“Yeah, that’s why I’ll be the mom.” 

 

Bucky liked Steve talking like this. She sounded a lot more confident now than she did the day before and he thought it was a huge success. Yet, he didn’t want to jinx it and just left it uncommented, focusing on their work day instead. 

 

“So we still work for SHIELD, huh? It’s weird.”

 

“I think, it’s weirder that SHIELD is a publishing house. Not that I’m complaining.” 

 

Before they went to bed, the night before, they had looked around the house to find a clue what they were getting into. It was equally unsettling and exciting for them to find out, they worked for one of the biggest publishing houses in New York, Steve as an illustrator and Bucky as editor. It was in their nature and made them both wonder, if every version of them worked in a field they were at least a bit familiar with. 

 

The more they found, the more they remembered themself. Who they worked with, what they were doing, even their current project. So when Steve drove into the underground parking garage, neither of them was nervous or afraid of them sticking out. They greeted Happy, the security guy, and Maria who sat at the reception. The first one they saw in the bullpen was Natasha, who greeted them with a big cheery smile, followed by Sam who sat at his desk and looking dead tired as he typed away on his keyboard. 

 

When they walked up to their spots, Steve froze for a moment and Bucky looked at him confused. “What?”

 

She looked straight ahead, through a window into an office where two people were talking. One Bucky recognized as Tony, the other someone he didn’t know.

 

“He’s alive.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Phil. Agent Coulson...he…” 

 

Bucky could tell that this was emotional for Steve and he knew why. Steve told him about the alien invasion and Loki, the loss they had faced and how it had never happened to Steve before. During the war, Bucky had lost many comrades during the battles before Steve arrived by his side, it didn’t mean he didn’t understand what Steve had been through that first time. Especially when it was someone like Phil Coulson who had been, according to Steve, such a huge fan. 

 

“Do you wanna talk to him?”

 

Steve shook her head, the short strands of her fringe falling into her face. “No. He’d think it’d be awkward for me reacting like this It’s just...it’s good to know he’d doing fine in this world.”

 

All Bucky could do was giving her a peck on her cheek, not sure if there was anything else she wanted to say. 

 

“Hey, no PDA here. You guys know it makes me miss Nat and that’s never good,” a voice called out from behind, making them both turn around just to come face to face with a goofily smiling Clint.

 

“Nat is right behind you, Clint. Two desks down on your left. Give them some time to be lovey-dovey, man, that with them being newly wed and shit,” Sam looked around the partition and gave them a toothy grin. “Mazeltov, by the way.”

 

Those were news to them, but Bucky liked hearing that, pulling Steve against his body and gave her another kiss on the cheek. “Yeah, Clint, let us be disgustingly sappy for a bit.”

 

As a reply, Clint only rolled his eyes and then flopped down on his chair, back turned to them. After this little exchange both, Steve and Bucky, decided it was time to work. Although that was harder than expected because both of their working spaces were covered with balloons and flowers and little gifts. Bucky watched Steve shaking one of the packages to figure out what was inside, the curious expression on her face so adorable, he knew he would do anything to keep Steve happy. 

 

For now, though, it was them doing what they were paid for. Bucky did steal the one or another glance over at Steve who sat at her tablet and was completely engrossed in her work, not noticing him looking or the little gagging sounds Clint made whenever he caught them. Once Natasha passed them and smacked his head before placing a kiss on his cheek, followed with the comment, “Be nice to them.”

 

And this was how they spend their first day at SHIELD: working, chatting, laughing, exchanging stories and hearing about their friends life. Bucky was only partly surprised to hear that Nat and Clint had three little kids, that Tony and Pepper were married for years and Tony was a work-from-home-dad, and Sharon and Sam were dating. Everything was so normal, Bucky should have known it wouldn’t stay like this.

 

Once they clocked out and headed back home, Bucky wondering about what they could make for dinner, Steve said, “I’ve ordered some stuff.”

 

This was vague enough to pique Bucky’s interest. “Yeah?” Maybe Bucky was enjoying this a bit too much while Steve was still the more rational one of the two of them, but he was thinking about toys and lingerie. So when Steve continued and mentioned thermometer and supplements and books, Bucky wasn’t so sure how books were suppose to help. Of course, listening to Pepper and Nat talking about their little ones, even Bucky thought about them having twenty more days to make it work. With what Steve talked about the day before, Bucky should have known he would do some online research and looking for any help they could get.

 

When they arrived at home, a box waited for them in front of their door step. Once inside, Bucky started making dinner while Steve looked through her order, already starting reading one of the books. Every now and then, she would read a line out loud, something about the female cycle and fertile days. Bucky grew up with a sister and while the times were different, it never bothered him. However, he wasn’t so sure he liked Steve’s approach a lot. Not that he knew a lot about getting pregnant, but this seemed so sober. Too sober. There was nothing wrong with knowing what they were doing, but having a detailed planned seemed odd to say the least.

 

And yet, when Steve told him they should give it a try after dinner, he followed her upstairs. He didn’t have the time approaching her like the day before, easing her into the whole moment and taking their sweet time. This time, it was Steve on her knees and having his pants down and cock in her mouth within seconds. Of course her lips did wonders to him, having him hard in no time and when they were fully undressed and in bed, everything was over way too quick for Bucky to enjoy it. Steve helped him slipping inside her, urging him on until he came and then motioned for him to roll on his side. He was more than just a bit surprised about it, but then he watched her shoving a pillow under her butt and while at first it didn’t make any sense, she then told him, “Making sure it’ll stay where we need it.”

 

Bucky’s mind was static, not sure what to say to that. Instead he got up and cleaned up before getting them both some water. Steve thanked him, but not exactly looked at him. As much as Bucky hated the comparison, this reminded him too much on Captain Rogers, the star spangled man with a plan. And while a plan was never wrong, this seemed to be the wrong place for tactics and backup plans. 

 

Unfortunately, this went on for the next couple of days. Getting up in the morning, Steve making a pregnancy test, going to work, coming back home, having more sex. What didn’t help was for the lack of Bucky’s arousal. The longer this went on, the harder it was for him getting it up. Steve noticed. Bucky noticed. No one talked about it. Their communication was cut short to talking about what food they needed, what they were working on and Steve telling Bucky it was time again. 

 

Bucky knew he would definitely hurt himself by doing so, but once they were back, he would slap Thor in the face. He didn’t expect for this to be easy. He didn’t expect for this to work out after their first try. But what he certainly didn’t expect was for them turning into this desperate couple. After thinking about this for a while, Bucky hoped for them to give it a shot or at least a couple of tries while at the same time being fully aware nothing would change no matter the outcome. He wanted them to take this easy, to make the most out of it. Now, he dreaded them going home or walking past Steve’s desk and seeing her doing more online research about the best positions to get pregnant.

 

Ten days in, and Bucky was pulling his hair out. He barely slept, constantly lying awake to think of a way to talk to Steve about this having to come to an end, and he barely could focus at work. So much so that on day eleven Nat showed up at his desk with Clint in tow.

 

“You guys trying to get preggy?”

 

The look Bucky gave them spoke volumes, but this Nat was just as hard to intimidate as the one they knew. So she only smiled and sat down on his desk. 

 

“Did Clint tell you how long we tried? We got my eggs and his sperm tested to make sure they were compatible, went to different doctors, tried tantra sex and acupuncture and even home remedies. This went on for...what, Clint? Four years?”

 

Bucky’s heart dropped right into his shoes, by now attentively listening. This was not the kind of pep talk he had hoped for, but he already knew how difficult it could be for some couples to get pregnant. Unfortunately, they didn’t have much time, only ten more days. Four years was not exactly they could cramp up into two-hundred and forty hours. 

 

“And then it took us another two weeks until we got pregnant.”

 

“Say that again.”

 

“Two weeks. Our doc said we should think about in vitro fertilization and we knew it’d cost us an arm and a leg, so we went home. It was an option and so we tried not to stress about getting preggy anymore. We enjoyed having sex again and not turning this into some necessary thing we’ve to do...that’s what you guys are going through, huh?” She looked so sorry for Bucky, and probably Steve, and he needed this so much that he smiled a tired smile up at her and then to Clint who just nodded in emphasize. 

 

“You guys should talk.”

 

“You guys should tell me how you know about it,” Bucky said in return, feeling actually way too tired to argue with them sticking their nose in their business.

 

“Steve asked me about it. And I thought, you should hear that, too,” Nat explained and then slipped from the desk and leaned against Clint. “Just remember: three kids. And...I’ll let you in on a little secret. Number four is on it’s way.” Immediately, Bucky reached out and put his hand on her belly, making her laugh. “You can’t feel anything yet. Just a couple of more weeks. But who knows. Maybe you have another belly to take care of then.”

 

It was what Bucky hoped for and although he wanted to think, it could work for them just as it had worked for Clint and Natasha, he knew he had to talk to Steve first. With a quick hug, Nat and Clint left him alone, giving him the chance working up the courage to go and talk to Steve. And just as he thought he could do it without feeling like he was letting her down, Steve showed up at his desk. Her eyes and nose were red and for a split second Bucky thought she would tell him the next test was negative, she just hugged him tightly and said, “I’m so sorry. I just want this to work for us.”

 

“Me, too, Stevie. I want this just as much. Just...maybe Nat and Clint are right. Maybe with us trying too hard, it’s bound to fail,” he whispered back as he held her. “You know what we gonna do? I want you to go shopping. Anything. Spoil yourself. I’ll go home and prepare some really nice food and we just have a nice evening together.”

 

When Steve tensed in his arms, he knew this was not exactly what she wanted to hear, but they had to start somewhere. Bucky kept holding her, hand brushing soothingly over her back until she felt relaxing. “Okay. Just...something simple, okay?”

 

Maybe Bucky said yes to that, but maybe he didn’t stick true to his word. On his way home, he stopped at the grocery store and got everything he needed for an a plus candle light dinner. Starting with some mushroom cream soup, a nice steak with vegetables and a mousse au chocolat for dessert. As if on cue, Steve arrived by the time Bucky had set the table and was just about to send a message asking where Steve was, looking at the set table with big eyes.

 

Although she wanted something simple, Bucky could tell Steve liked what she saw. But what warmed his heart the most was another little apology before they sat down to eat. It was just a quite “Sorry” followed by a kiss, but Bucky appreciated so much and once they started their little dinner, things were getting easy again to the point they could even joke about the last couple of days.

 

“I felt like a cow. A good looking cow, but a cow nonetheless,” Bucky commented over a glass of red wine, making Steve laugh nearly too the point she had to spit her drink out. “Yeah, laugh all you like.All you wanted was my jizz. I felt so dirty,” he continued in a whiney noise, but sobered up when he saw a somewhat embarrassed expression on Steve’s face.

 

“I wished we had more time,” she finally said and it was everything Bucky needed to know and while he nodded and agreed with it, he also remembered Nat’s story.

 

“Do you remember Azzano? Coming all the way from good ol’ Germany to save my ugly mug?” Steve’s blush got only darker as she hid behind her hands with a groan, but Bucky didn’t stop. “You pulled everything out of your ass. I know you wanted to steal a car and that Stark and Carter helped you out because you didn’t have a plan. You just showed up and it worked out. And do you remember that stupid train? Everything planned out and see where it got us. What I wanna say is: we don’t need a plan. Never needed a plan to make things work. And whatever will happen, we gonna wing it from there.”

 

Before Bucky had finished, Steve was on her feet and slipped into his lap, pressing their lips together. Bucky could still taste the wine on her lips as he nipped with his mouth on them, and maybe it was because this made her feel even more real to him, but he was once again reminded how much he loved Steve. No matter the form or size or gender or sexuality, Steve would always be his better half. His end of the line. 

 

And maybe that was what they needed as a reminder because as they made it up to the bedroom, things finally fell into place. It was such a joy undressing Steve, opening button after button of her blouse and pulling the fabric out of the waistband of her skirt. He loved fumbling with the hook of the skirt and slowly pulling the zipper down, letting the fabric fall down her legs and pool around her feet. But what Bucky loved most of all was seeing her so beautiful in front of him, dark blue lace bra holding her breasts and the white cotton slip hanging low on her hips. This was the Steve he knew and wanted. His hands slipped under the fabric of her blouse and traced her curves, feeling her muscles and warmth and soft skin under his touch. Feeling her trembling und his hand turned a switch in their heads as it seemed, because a moment later they were all over each other. Kissing and touching, taking clothes off and tossing them aside to have a better access to their bodies.

 

Bucky’s mouth explore Steve’s before kissing down to her neck and collarbone, watching her hand around his dick, thumb teasing the head. He wanted her so badly while at the same time taking his time and he knew they could have both. So while the days before, Steve took what she thought they both wanted, Bucky decided now was his turn. As much as he wanted to be inside her, he slipped down to his knees and kissed his way down her body, starting by her breasts and over her stomach down to her pubic mound. This time, he was allowed to take this further and Bucky loved the moan falling from Steve’s mouth as he licked over her labia and pressed his tongue between them to her clit. Her hands grabbed strands of his hair as he draped one of her legs over his shoulder for better access, parting her lips to bury his face between her thighs. 

 

His tongue dipped inside her, making her legs twitch and hiss and so Bucky did it over and over again before he wandered to her clit, sucking and licking on it and pressing even closer. He felt her wetness spread over his cheeks and mouth and he wanted her so badly, he was sure he was about to lose his mind. And then he slipped a finger inside her, lapping on her clit with slow strokes while he worked his digit in and out of her in quick motions, making Steve squirm and moan and then she called his name as she gripped his hair tighter. She pressed down on his face as she came, hips jerking as she rode her orgasm out and Bucky loved it, soaked every moment up because this was the first time he was allowed to make her come. Before that, it was only him finishing because it was all that mattered for their plan. 

 

Now that they didn’t have a plan, Bucky loved looking up from where he was still kneeling and seeing Steve looking completely wrecked. Her cheeks were flushed and eyes blown to the point they nearly looked black.

 

“I’m so not done with you,” Bucky announced and seeing they never held back, always liking it a bit rougher, he didn’t have a problem pushing her on the mattress, watching her breasts bounce. “You look gorgeous, Stevie. So beautiful.” And Bucky hated that he couldn’t draw, but he knew he would always remember this. The way Steve laid on the dark sheets, legs halfway spread and giving him a good view on her glistening sex, her perfect little tits and those eyes that would always had Bucky down on his knees without saying a word. 

 

Now, these eyes were telling him what Steve wanted and how she wanted it. And Bucky would gladly obey, already crawling onto the bed towards her while reaching for her ankles and pulling her closer. Her legs were falling open and wrapping around his waist, welcoming him so willingly and Bucky was ready to die on the spot because this felt so perfect. This felt like them. Even more so when he pushed his cock inside her, slipping in so easily and watching her tossing her head back with a loud, obscene moan. 

 

Bucky knew, she was still sensitive, each thrust adding to the pleasure she just experienced and so he started pounding into her. His arms cradled her head as he fucked her up the mattress, feeling her moving underneath him and he loved watching her getting lost in the lust. And he felt the same as moans were mixed with the slick sound of his cock pushing in and out of her and their skins colliding. Bucky’s whole body was singing, feeling like he was burning from the inside in the most beautiful way as she came again, feeling her tensing around him. And then he slammed into her again and again, panting and groaning under the effort and then everything exploded as he came inside her. Bucky held her close, panting kisses over her cheeks and mouth and pushed inside her once, twice and a third time and then just stilled. 

 

They were both a panting, sticky mess, but it was a beautiful mess and they both just laughed as they were coming down, while still being high from what they had shared. They held each other while they exchanged kisses and caresses, telling the other what they liked until it turned into the dirtiest talk they ever engaged in. While they both knew, they would regret it in the morning, there was a second round involved with them wrestling around for a while who would be on top, which they both won in the one way or the other. And because they both could be complete and utter dorks, just like Clint and Nat, none of the other co-workers were any wiser as Clint and Nat high fived both Steve and Bucky as they passed their desks in the morning. And neither Clint or Nat would ever admit that from that moment on, they kept their fingers crossed for the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...I know...I know what you guys wanna say...or actually not. In case you wanna let me know, feel free to leave a comment. Kudos are just as amazing. Just be kind because English is still not my first language and, as mentioned above, this is not beta'd [I'll definitely have another look at it in the morning!]. 
> 
> If you guys have any other questions, you can find me on [tumblr](http://www.secretly-buckybarnes.tumblr.com)


	4. Chapter 4

From this moment on, they were all over each other. At all times. In the kitchen, bathroom, the living room, even the storage room at work. The people back in their universe would be surprised because they rarely show affection in front of others, although this was actually just them being them. Bucky had a hard time keeping his hands off of Steve and so it was the other way around. Now that the elephant in the room was back in the garden and they got over the initial shock once again, things were falling into place. They even went on a double date with Nat and Clint and once again Bucky realized this was the kind of normal they deserved, hoping they could get a bit more of it once they were back in their universe. For now, though, he soaked this up like a sponge, trying to cram in as much as possible without making it too much or too overwhelming for the two of them. He knew they still had to think about their return and getting too used to this life wouldn’t help either of them.

 

And so the days passed and the closer they got to the deadline, the sappier they became. Steve baked some cookies the day before their time was up for the people at work, saying he thought they deserved this little treat because they all worked so hard all of the time. Only Nat got suspicious because Steve was uncharacteristically emotional. She tried hiding it, but whenever she talked to one of their co-workers she was close to tearing up and at one occasion she had to walk away from a conversation with Coulson. Bucky was confused why this was hurting Steve so much, and while he would miss this reality too he knew they would see many of them again. When Bucky approached Steve, though, she only shook her head and laughed, telling him she had no idea what was going on and why this was making her so teary-eyed. 

 

Admittedly, even Bucky got a bit choked up as they wished them all a good evening, but it didn’t hit him as hard as Steve who was downright crying by the time they arrived at the car. They were still not wiser when they arrived home. He knew Steve still had one pregnancy test left they wanted to use that night although they already agreed, they would be happy for this chance no matter the outcome. The second he watched Steve returning from the toilette, however, Bucky wasn’t so sure anymore. Again she was crying, shaking her head and disappeared on her search for some tissues. By the time Bucky saw Steve again, her eyes were puffy and she was curled up on the couch, staring down at her lap. He didn’t need to see the result to know what happened, but he still couldn’t believe how this amazing opportunity had been wasted. Bucky wondered if more time would have been more fruitful, or if they could have done something differently for this to work. He knew he would never get an answer to it, but it was on his mind and most certainly on Steve’s. 

 

That night, they curled up in their bed. Bucky wrapped his body around Steve’s, holding her and caressing her skin. It seemed so unfair to him how someone like Steve could go through so much and wasn’t rewarded. Bucky had blood on his hands, blood of innocent people; maybe it wasn’t his fault, but he did it anyway. As for Steve, all Steve ever did was protect the people who needed it the most, going to such a length to sacrifice himself over and over again. It just didn’t seem fair. 

 

It was Bucky’s last thought before he fell asleep, and his first when he slowly woke up. The alarm was blaring and made his head hurt and all he wanted was to sleep just a bit longer. They didn’t have daily responsibilities to take care off so he wasn’t even sure why there was an alarm in the first place. Feeling around, eyes still closed, Bucky tried his hardest to turn the annoying sound off. And apparently Steve wanted the same.

 

“Turn this off or else I’ll shoot at it.”

It took Bucky two more seconds until the beeping sound was replaced with silence and another three until he turned to Steve and stared down at her. Her. Not him.

 

“Steve? Why are we still here?”

 

Steve, who had turned around and was all snuggled up under the sheets, rolled back on her side and looked at Bucky before looking down her body. 

 

“If Thor forgot us here, I’ll beat his ass to Asgard,” she mumbled and rubbed her eyes. “Maybe it’ll happen at twelve this afternoon or something like this. Until then, let us go to work. There is no use in thinking too much about it. We’re talking about Thor here, so nothing should be surprising.”

 

Bucky agreed. He didn’t know the Asgardian as good as Steve did, but he too had noticed how naive he sounded at times, or casual. It was in his nature and nothing either of the Avengers took too hard. For that he was too kind and giving. The only thing Bucky worried about was Steve because he wasn’t sure, how well she would take another goodbye. She was already sorrowful enough as it was and he hoped Thor would remember them sooner than later.

 

To cheer her up, Bucky headed into the kitchen and made a big breakfast with everything he knew Steve loved. Starting with waffles and pancakes to fruit salad and freshly squeezed orange juice. He even imagined there was a little smile at the corner of her lips when she saw the food on the table, but a second later she all but ran to the bathroom. At first, Bucky thought she was crying again, but when he followed he actually heard her throwing up. It took nearly twenty minutes before she was well enough to come out, her eyes red and puffy and Bucky called in sick for them both. Maybe Steve was suck and that was why Thor couldn’t get them out, and he even said that much to her, but she only shrugged and looked over at the food. They both knew it would end badly if she would even think about eating anything of it, so instead they returned to bad. Bucky made a warm water bottle and some tea, pampering her all day and warned her he would carry her to the doctor if it was necessary. 

 

Luckily, around noon, Steve was finally feeling better, the grumbling of her stomach so scary Bucky immediately headed back into the kitchen and filled her plate with some of the pancakes and waffles which she ate thankfully. And then another, asking for a bit of whipped cream and chocolate on top of the waffles. Of course Bucky complied, but was still a bit afraid this could backfire. Yet, Steve ate the next plate just as greedily as the first. Then there was a third and when Bucky asked if she wanted anything else, she wanted ice cream.

 

It had been a while since Bucky had been with a woman. And back then they never did too much so he wouldn’t get her pregnant, but even he was slowly realizing what was going on. Yet, he didn’t say a word, only telling Steve he would her some ice cream and if there was anything else before he headed out and went grocery shopping. To the ice cream, Steve added chips, more chocolate and if they had some pickles he could get them as well. Bucky added another pregnancy test to the cart, which he hid in one of the drawers before he brought Steve the chips and chocolate ice cream. She looked a lot better, glowing even as she munched on the ice cream, laughing at something she was watching on TV. To Bucky she looked beautiful and all he did for now was lying down with her and putting his head in her lap, not sure how to ask her for another test when the last one had her in tears again. 

 

The next couple of hours, they spend in bed, watching TV and just cuddled, Bucky’s hand pulled to her belly and rubbing soothing circles on her skin while he pressed his nose against her neck. Sometimes his feelings for Steve overwhelmed him and this was such a moment where he just felt so blessed for being allowed a second chance and for Steve even wanting him after such a long time.

 

Before he got a chance telling her any of that, she got up and headed to the kitchen. “I want some pickles.”

 

Bucky laughed as he watched her disappearing and he was still smiling when she returned. This time, when he opened his mouth, he didn’t tell her how much he loved her but instead, “I think you’re pregnant.”

 

Steve was contently nibbling on a huge pickle, eyes on the screen again. Her only reaction to his words were a breathy laugh followed by, “Yeah? The test said something differently.”

 

“Maybe. Maybe you should do another one. Because, with all due to respect you’re the woman here but...you’ve been so emotional yesterday, throwing up in the morning, and since when did you love pickles. You hate them. You always pick them from your burgers and let me eat them. You behave like a typical pregnant woman behaves.”

 

She looked down at the pickle and then at Bucky. “Okay, where is the test? Don’t look at me like this, I’m sure you got one if that’s what you think. So give it and do it again if it makes you happy making me upset again.”

 

“It doesn’t make me happy making you upset again,” Bucky grumbled as he got up and walked over to the drawer to get the text. “I just think it’s a possibility. And it would make sense while Thor hasn’t showed up.”

 

Steve was shooting daggers at him as she snatched the test from his hand and then stomped over to the bathroom. “Two? Why did you get two?” she called out, door still open.

 

“It was cheaper. And...just in case.” Just in case meant, if the test was positive and Steve needed another proof.

 

What followed was a splashing sound and then silence, Bucky had muted the TV while he waited for Steve to return. He was nervous, biting his thumbnail as he watched the door. When Steve came back into the bedroom, she went over to her bedside and picked the bottle of water up and nearly emptied it on the spot before heading back into the bathroom. She didn’t say a word, but Bucky was getting nervous. It was a exciting kind of nervous, the one he felt before Christmas morning when he knew something good was about to happen. 

 

This time it took a bit longer for the slashing sound to return, then another couple of minutes and then Steve returned with the two tests in her hand and holding them out for Bucky to look at them.

 

Both were positive. 

 

For the next couple of moments they looked down at the tests, the blue stripes that meant pregnant and then at each other. They cried and laughed and hugged and kissed, Bucky jumping up and down on the bed before he stepped down again and pulled Steve in a hug. This was unexpected but so needed, it was impossible putting their happiness into words. Of course they both knew things would change from now on. Not only here but also once they were back. Bucky knew, this would be one hell of an experience especially for Steve and he would do everything to make the next months as pleasant as possible for her. 

 

The first month was spent with buying every book they could get their hands on, followed by asking Nat every question they could think of. Most of the time Steve tried to slacken off, all the time afraid something could happen. Nat told her this was normal and she, too, acted that way the first couple of months until he couldn’t take Clint’s mothering anymore. At first it would be nice, she said, but then she felt like she was made of glass. She would give birth, so when that wouldn’t kill her, nothing else would. Unfortunately, that send Steve in a slight panic but only until Nat told him about the things the doctors could do to make the birth as easy for her as possible. After that little conversation, the four of them went out for a little celebration, pampering the pregnant women with everything Bucky and Clint could come up with.

 

The second month they started talking about what would change for them. There was no doubt they would stop the fighting. Bucky had been out of business already, but he knew it would be a lot harder on Steve’s part. She wasn’t an official part of the Avengers anymore, but it didn’t mean she sat at home and just waited for things to end well. Yet, when they talked about it, Steve didn’t hesitate telling Bucky she would be there all the way. There would never be a moment in the future, where he would go back into the battle and that was all Bucky wanted to hear although he never doubted her.

 

When the five month came around, Steve was slowly showing and they had to buy some new clothes. It still astonished Bucky how well she adjusted to this, not once freaking out when they went to the gynecologist or even when she first realized something was growing inside of her. Instead, she became even more beautiful. There were moments when Bucky caught her rubbing her belly with some oil, explaining to him that was what women should do for the skin. It were such small details that made him realize how blessed he was having Steve in his life. She looked cute in those little babydoll dresses and baggy shirts, opting for some of Bucky’s instead of buying new ones, which made her look even more adorable. Some mornings, her feet were swollen and Bucky gave her a little foot rub, other mornings she told him about her back pain and then he would do everything for her to feel better. Just as their co-workers. Each and everyone of them was so supportive, not only with them but Nat as well, cutting them both some slack and even got a little corner ready with lounge chairs for them to rest. Bucky loved passing them while talking about their babies, and Steve soaking everything up Nat had to share. 

 

Month seven was filled with doubts on Bucky’s side. Would he be a good father? He didn’t doubted Steve for one second. It was him he was worried about. What if his past would come back and bite him? What if their child would grow up resenting him? There were nights he could barely sleep and he got up and sat down in the kitchen so he wouldn’t wake Steve up. He should know better than this because after a week of sleepless nights, Steve followed him downstairs, dressed in one of his boxer shorts and baggy shirt which was already stretching over her baby belly. She looked tired and her eyes were tiny as she stepped over to him and just pulled his head against her stomach, saying one sentence that made Bucky cry like a baby.

 

“We’ll always love you.”

 

When the last month came around, it was time for them to prepare. Nat had already delivered a little boy called Misha, which they had visited just the other day. Walking was slowly becoming hard for Steve, her back nearly killing her and it was more a waddle than a real walk, but Bucky loved every moment of it. He knew they couldn’t keep it, but they still got a cast of her belly which she painted beautifully with their faces on either side and two hands, making it look like they were protecting what was inside the little sphere. And then Steve woke Bucky in the middle of night, looking at him with huge eyes as she said, “My water broke.”

 

Within minutes, they were ready to head to the hospital. Once again Steve showed Bucky what a character she was. Not once did she freak out, despite this being their first and probably only child. They still had no idea if it was a boy or girl, not wanting to know it before it was there. They had a name in both cases, but they wanted to be surprised once the day came. It was funny how everything happened so quickly and then not quickly enough, the nurses and midwife being far too calm for Bucky’s taste, but even Steve had the audacity telling him to stay calm and that things would work out. For the next three hours, all Bucky could do was holding Steve hands. He didn’t tell her to breath or that she was doing a good job; they agreed before they arrived that this was not someone who was in pain wanted to hear. So he just held her hand and patted her hair, watching her face intently. Bucky could tell this was not a walk in the park, but Steve just gritted her teeth and did as she was told, completely relying on the advices she got from the midwife. 

 

Of course they had been to prenatal classes and once again Nat was more than helpful in sharing her experience, so Steve was as prepared as one could be. And then there was the beautiful sound of a baby screaming. Bucky still couldn’t tear his eyes from Steve, who looked so exhausted but happy, only looking straight ahead to the midwife and their baby.

 

Their baby. Bucky still couldn’t believe this was happening. Not even when one of the nurses asked him to cut the umbilical cord or when the midwife handed their cleaned baby over to Steve, who took it carefully into her arms. Bucky released a breathy sob as he looked down at Steve and that little bundle that had been inside of her just seconds ago, the red cheeks and dark hair, how wrinkled it looked. And then…

 

“It’s a girl,” the midwife said and then stepped aside to give them a moment for themselves.

 

“A girl, Buck. Did you hear that?” Steve breathed out, voice rough and sounding even more exhausted than before and when she looked up at him with teary eyes, Bucky couldn’t stop his own tears either. Carefully, he reached out to pull the towel, that was wrapped around their baby girl down to have a better look. She seemed to be asleep, contently lying in her mother’s arms. 

 

“Do you have a name?” the midwife asked from a desk in the corner and Steve just nodded, but seemed to overwhelmed to reply. So Bucky turned to the woman and gave her a big smile as he answered, “Sarah Rebecca Rogers-Barnes.”

 

“She’ll be the most spoiled baby girl on the compound,” Steve breathed again and adjusted her grip on the bundle before she looked over Bucky. He was shaking too much and he didn’t dare lifting her up and holding her himself, but he knew Steve would understand. For now he was content watching them and having his family with him. 

 

After another ten minutes, it was time for them to switch rooms and Bucky took a moment to send a text to Nat and Clint, letting them know about what had happened. When he followed Steve into her room, seeing the little crib where Sarah was sleeping inside, his heart was close to bursting. Steve had her eyes closed and while he didn’t want to wake either of them, he still sat by their side and had an eye on his girls. This was something he never thought would be happening and he still couldn’t believe, they were allowed taking their luck with them when they returned. There was still no word from Thor, but Bucky wanted to believe things would turn out like he promised them.

 

He pulled the crib carefully closer and then held his finger out, caressing Sarah’s hand, the red wrinkles skin and Bucky felt once again the emotions overwhelming him. Even more so when she wrapped her hand around his finger in her sleep, just holding onto him for the rest of the night.

 

Two days later, they were back home. Seeing they assumed they would return in the next twenty-four hours after Steve’s discharge, they didn’t buy any kind of furniture. Bucky and Steve already knew they wouldn’t stick to their promise of this being the only night in which Sarah would sleep in their bed, and Bucky didn’t mind. He couldn’t imagine leaving her out of his side and the moments he couldn’t be around felt horrible. Steve already told him there would come a time when they both were annoyed and wanted some peace and quiet, but for now it didn’t happen. 

 

They settled down for the day, Sarah lying in the middle of them and most of the time being a little sleepy head and Bucky couldn’t stop telling Steve how happy he was. He was sure it was the last thing he said when he fell asleep, index finger once again occupied by a tiny little baby hand, which was gone when he woke up. 

 

The baby was gone and Steve was his big, broad self. He, too, woke up with a start and while it was still dark outside, they were wide awake. This was their quarters at the compound and Bucky knew this was their reality because of the lack of a left arm, but what made it all the more real was the other thing that was missing.

“Where is the baby?” Steve whispered and in that moment Bucky knew, this hadn’t been a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in time. I can't believe it. And it's still so early. I'm as shocked as you guys are. Anyway, this one is again not beta-read so there might be grammar and spelling errors, remember English is not my mother tongue. Also, if you took the time to read this little piece, feel free leaving a short comment and if you don't have that minute, just click the kudos button. It'd mean the world and...it's only a week until Christmas after all! Means one chapter left.
> 
> You can also find me on [tumblr](http://www.secretly-buckybarnes.tumblr.com).


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, this is it folks. I really wished I'd more times for this and it wasn't as rushed as it feels like. I might be coming back to rewrite some spots or add something more, for now this is the end. Thanks for the few who commented, the ones who gave kudos and also a little shoutout to the ones subscribing.

They were out of bed within seconds, although Bucky struggled a bit for balance as he had to get used to the lack of his left arm again. Yet, he brushed it off and followed Steve out of the bedroom into their living quarters but there was nothing unusual. Bucky could hear Steve breathing heavily next to him, the fear radiating off him in waves and Bucky felt the same way too. If they both woke up with the thoughts on their baby, this was real so where was Sarah?

 

Bucky turned on the spot, looking over to the door that lead to his former bedroom. After he came back from Wakanda, he and Steve slept separated from each other, not sure where they stood and if they wanted the same. All too soon, though, Bucky had moved in with Steve and this became a better storage room. Just now, the door was slightly ajar and soft light was pouring out.

 

“Steve.”

 

His voice was barely a whisper and still Steve reacted right away, both of them rushing to the door. Steve was the first one there, pulling the door open completely and what they saw made Bucky’s knees go weak. There, in a big rocking chair in the middle of a perfectly decorated nursery, sat Thor and held a squirming bundle in his arms. 

 

“My friends, you deserved a good night’s rest but motherly instincts cannot be ignored.” It was strange hearing Thor’s normally booming voice being nothing more but a soft breeze, but what got under Bucky’s skin, made his chest tightened in, was to see what he was holding. Not once did Bucky take his eyes away from the wrapped up human being in his arms, not even when Steve stepped over to Thor and looked down at them. He didn’t need to ask before Thor got up and handed the little one over to Steve. Then and only then did the tension leave Steve’s body, a little sob falling from his lips. Bucky still didn’t dare moving, far too afraid he would wake up and this was, after all, nothing but a dream. 

 

“You did well. Both of you. Heimdall told me about the struggles you have been through and have faced with so much love and dedication. You deserved this gift of nature more than anyone I know.” 

 

Thor’s words sank right into Bucky’s skin and when he looked over at him, his sight was blurry. He tried not to cry, but it was hard when all of the sudden everything was falling into place. Not the way either of them thought it would, but they were anything but normal. He stepped over to Thor and placed his hand on his shoulder earning him a big smile in return. “Thank you. There will never be enough words to express how thankful we’re for what you did for us. You and Heimdall and Jane. Thank you.”

 

For someone as built as Thor, he had the unsettling gift of moving so silently, Steve didn’t seem to notice he was gone until he turned around with Sarah in his arms. 

 

“This is real, Buck. This happened.”

 

“It definitely did.” 

 

They didn’t discuss it any further, just making sure Sarah had everything she needed before they walked back to the bedroom and settled down for the night. Only Bucky didn’t sleep. He kept an eye out on Steve and Sarah, watching Steve curling around the little bundle as if he tried to protect her from whatever could might come. It was hard for Bucky wrapping his head around the fact that from now on this was his life. Having this beautiful baby with this angel of a man. His thanks to Thor would never be enough and he was sure Steve thought the same. 

 

Still it made him wonder how much had changed here. When he checked his phone, he noticed it was Christmas day which meant they were exactly the three weeks gone Thor gave them to create this miracle. And a miracle it was indeed. Would the others know about Sarah? Did Thor prepare them for what was to come? Bucky was bursting at the seams, ready to knock on every door and tell everyone about his baby. Their baby. 

 

When he looked back over at Steve and Sarah, he found Steve looking straight at him, a soft smile on his lips. “What’re you thinking about?”

 

“You. The little one. That I’m glad I got your Christmas present awhile ago…”

“Seriously? It’s Christmas?”

 

Bucky nodded.

 

“I hope one of them was wise enough to get some gifts for me as well,” he mused, thumb carefully caressing Sarah’s little hand.

 

“I only got yours, they have to wait a bit. They’ll survive,” Bucky whispered back and scooted closer, cradling Sarah’s head in his hand. “She’s so tiny.”

 

“She is. But she’s so strong. Look at her hand.” 

 

Not that Bucky looked anywhere else, but he could see what Steve meant. However, Bucky had something else on his mind as well. “Do you remember? I mean, giving birth?”

 

“Of course, Barnes. That’s the question you’ve to ask.” Steve shoulders were shaking from laughter, but he still contained it the best he could. “I do, actually. I remember the pain. And in all honesty? Next time a guy says something about how easy women have it in their life, I’ll punch them in the face.”

 

“Good. At least in that department nothing has changed.” Bucky pushed his body up with his arm and leaned over to place a kiss to Steve’s lips and then another before he leaned down and kissed Sarah’s forehead. Of course he heard the soft footsteps coming from their living room and judging by the knowing smile on Steve’s face, he did too.

 

“Come on, Nat, we’re both awake.”

 

“And here I was thinking I’ve to be stealthy so I wouldn’t wake the little one,” Nat’s voice came out of the dark and then the door was pushed open, revealing Natasha and a second later Clint. “Thor said you guys were back so here we are.”

 

It was five thirty in the morning and something told Bucky, they definitely wouldn’t get any sleep any time soon. Accepting that fact, he rolled onto his back and just waited for Nat to join them. She crawled up between them and hovered over them, while Clint leaned over Bucky to have a look at their new addition to the family. 

 

“Pretty tiny. Sure it’s yours, Barnes,” Clint joked and swallowed a curse as Bucky pinched his thigh.

 

“You were saying?”

 

“She’s cute. Sure it’s…” Before Clint could finish, Bucky pinched Clint’s thigh again, and he was sure he saw a tear escaping the corner of his eye at the attempt of swallowing another scream down.

 

“I wished we could have seen you with a baby belly, Steve. Bet you were a pretty little preggy woman,” Natasha teased, but Bucky too wished he had some kind of reminder of that time, but the best thing was lying between them. Despite the commotion, she was still fast asleep, only wiggling around just a bit here and there, but other than that completely unfazed.

 

“He was the prettiest,” Bucky confirmed and only saw Steve’s eye roll as Clint turned on the little bedside lamp. 

 

“Tell us about it. Or aren’t you allowed to?” He pushed at Bucky’s legs to have a bit of room to sit down and when Bucky moved, Clint seemed to prepare himself for a long story. 

 

“How about we tell you guys when the others are up as well?” Steve offered, but when they looked at the cat-like grin on Nat’s face, they knew something was up.

 

“We knew, you’d say that. Lucky for you, the others are waiting in the common room. With hot chocolates and cookies. They send us because they knew you guys love us the most and wouldn’t kill us.” Before either of them protested, Natasha had Sarah in her arms and was moving over to the door. “And for the record, I’ll be the cool aunt in this. No exception.”

 

With a bit of groaning and grumbling, Steve and Bucky once again got up. They both were exhausted and Bucky wished for some peace and quiet, but on the other hand it was sweet to see how excited they were for them. Especially Clint and Nat, who were walking ahead of them and were both fuzzing over the little one, seemed to care for them deeply. Of course Bucky always felt that bond with Nat for reasons they both knew but never discussed and Steve and she had that natural bond. As for Clint, he was part of the package and they both loved having him around. As Bucky and Steve shared a look, he was sure they both thought the same: no matter the universe, it’d always be the same. These four just belonged together.

 

When they stepped into the common room, it was packed with the rest of them. Sam was there, as was Tony and Wanda. Vision looked curiously over at them and when Pepper and Jane got up from the couch and walked over to Nat, Bucky and Steve knew they wouldn’t get their baby back in a while.

 

“Congrats. Men your age rarely get it up and you become dad’s. Must be an achievement,” Tony grumbled from across the room, wearing one of his hideous morning gowns paired with some sunglasses. While only a couple of months ago, Steve would have been ready punching him in the face, now he was happy seeing him. Even more so he understood that this was Tony’s way of caring and Steve came to accept that. Besides, it was rather funny watching Tony looking over at the women to make sure they would stay away far enough for him not to be forced to interact with the baby.

 

“So?” Wanda finally asked, the first one prying herself from the baby and walking over to where Bucky and Steve sat down on the couch. She handed both of them one of the mugs that were placed on the coffee table in the middle of them all and then just sat down on the floor.

 

“You start. After all, it was you who did all the work.” And with that Bucky leaned back and listened to Steve’s story and how he experienced the past year. For them it was a year they spend somewhere else, lived someone else’s life while barely anything changed here. It became more and more apparent how little the rest of them actually knew because when Steve told them about the pressure they felt, the fear of failure and how happy they were when it finally worked, the nine months he felt the life inside him growing, everyone listened. Even Tony who opted for a glass of whiskey and another one as Steve came to the point where he spoke about giving birth. 

 

The room fell silent as they looked over at Nat and the baby, who was by now awake and looked up at the woman who was holding her “Have we been there?” Sam asked after more silence and his eyes grew bigger when Steve nodded.

“All of you. It was weird. Shield was a thing, but differently. It was a publishing company. Nat and Clint were married...”

 

Confused, Clint looked over at the two, ready to open his mouth right before Nat gave the back of his head a light slap, making him shut up right away.

 

“Pepper and Tony settled down and Phil was alive,” Steve ended and shifted so he could lean against Bucky’s side.

 

“But Phil…” Another slap on Nat’s part and Bucky decided this deserved further attention, but not tonight. Instead he gave Steve a little nudge, indicating maybe they could get a bit more sleep in. Unfortunately, the others had more questions and more to the point Bucky just zoned out and he was pretty sure he dozed off as well. That was until Tony asked his first question and Bucky was surprised it was coming from him.

 

“Guess that means you guys will leave us soon. Will miss you. The diapers not so much.”

 

“Tony, the two just came back. Give them time thinking about what they want to do,” Pepper scolded him, sitting across the room from him. Spending so much time in another universe, Steve had all but forgotten that not everything had been so perfect before they left and apparently not even the Christmas spirit could change the state of Pepper and Tony’s relationship.

 

“I’m just saying that it’s the reasonable thing to do.”

 

Before the conversation could go on, Steve spoke up. “I know what you’re talking about, Tony. And I might have agreed with you awhile ago. We all do great and if we’re talking about the threats that could come knocking on our door?” At this he looked around the room, taking in each and everyone of them before he went one, “This is probably the safest place in the universe for her. So we gonna stay for as long as you’ll have us. We’ll surely discuss other possibilities, but for now I think we wanna stay with our family.”

 

Bucky couldn’t have said it better, but after they returned to their quarters, all of them agreeing they would meet for a late lunch after some much needed sleep, he still addressed that matter once again.

 

“I seriously liked that brownstone.” Well, addressed might have been a big word, but he guessed he was pretty straightforward with that comment.

 

“Me too. And it’s something I want, but I think, until we’ve settled into a routine, this is the right place for us to be.” 

 

For Bucky, the first thing to settle into this routine was proposing. After the late lunch and then Sam and Nat preparing their Christmas dinner, Bucky went on a little search for Steve. He found him, Sarah and Tony in their living quarters, but not interrupting them. He watched Tony holding the baby, rocking her while talking to her as she knew how the world worked. Steve was watching Tony and Bucky came to realize what a big part Tony was in his life. Of course Bucky still felt guilt for what happened and he knew if it wasn’t for Steve, Tony wouldn’t allow Bucky to be here and that alone showed him how deep their friendship went.

 

After five more minutes of the two calmly talking and Tony’s promise to spoil their baby rotten, Bucky heard Tony leaving. He waited if he would return before he stepped into their little world. Steve laid on the couch, baby lying on his chest and because Bucky didn’t want any onlookers or make a big thing out of it, this was pretty much perfect. At first Steve didn’t seem to realize him going down on one knee had nothing to do with them being on eye level but because of the little grey velvety box Bucky held in his hand. He spoke about love and adoration, about dedication and how much he meant to him. Before his little speech, Bucky not once thought about Steve saying no. But the longer he just looked at him, hand gently placed on Sarah’s back, the more nervous he became. He turned the box in his hand, looking down at his knee and the little tear in his jeans, ready to tell him they could talk about it a later time, when Steve just held his hand out to him. 

 

It was such a simple gesture with such a deep meaning and when Bucky put the simple silver ring on, lacing their fingers together and pressed his lips to the back of his hand, he knew it was all he needed as an answer. 

 

What Bucky loved about this the most was, how it was their little secret. Although they never said they wouldn’t tell anyone. They had never been big on announcements, so they kept that to themselves, yet no one asked about the rings they were wearing either. Then again, after Christmas things got a bit more hectic. All of them had the one or other battle to fight while Steve and Bucky stayed at the compound and took care of Sara. It was strange changing her diapers while a completely beat up Sam or Clint stumbled in, telling them about their adventures. There were days when Bucky thought Steve would decide to gear up and follow them, but when he asked him, all Steve said he thought the time for the brownstone was perfect. This was not about wanting to return into battle, it was the fear of bringing the battle to their doorstep. As save they all felt, with Sarah growing and slowly moving around, they all knew there were more dangers they had to protect her from.

 

Another half year later, and they were moving into their first own place. Steve found it in the newspaper and it needed a lot of polishing for it to shine the way it looked now. But seeing they did it all together, it even Tony using muscle strength instead of his suit, it was quickly done, giving them time to focus on the next step. Which was the wedding. They wanted to keep it simple, nothing outrageous or overdone, and settled for their backyard as the wedding location. When the date was set and preparations made, they send the invitations out and turned their phones off because neither of them could focus on the others asking when this happened while Sarah learned to walk. In the one moment they were sitting at the table, looking at suits for them to wear, when Sarah stood at the other end of the table and looked down at the catalogue. Both of them stared at her for a good moment before they both scrambled for something to record this history moment, a perfect little distraction for at least half of the Avengers. Others, like Sam, weren’t as easily bribed. 

 

Everyone wanted to help with the wedding, but were deeply disappointed to find out Steve and Bucky had everything under control; they both liked to point out how well they handled Sarah as she got her first teeth so a wedding couldn’t scare them. 

 

Yet they both expected for something to go wrong, but everything was just perfect. All of their friends were there: Sarah, with the help Nat, carried their rings; both of them close to tears during their vows and rumors were told about Tony needing a tissue; and Steve’s dancing lessons paid off as they went from a simple slow dance into a Lindy hop, leaving Bucky completely out of breath.

 

However, the biggest present Bucky and Steve got from Sarah when they tried to get her to sleep and she was too busy calling Steve dadda and Bucky papa. It was something they had thought of, something to make it easier for her to call them depending on who she wanted in that moment and that it worked, really worked, that everything fell into place and they were allowed to life a simple but beautiful life, left them both nearly speechless. That night, Steve and Bucky talked about what else was there to come and they both agreed that no matter what it was - Sarah’s enrollment, their fights, and tears - they would do it together. To the end of the line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me and this little crack fic and see you next time around. Again, please be gentle because still no beta and feel free to share some love in case you liked what you read. Merry Christmas ♥

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first chapter. Please bare in mind that English isn't my native tongue and my dear beta is actually the receiver of this gift story, so asking her to beta my stuff would have failed the purpose. Be kind in your feedback, kudos and comments are appreciated. 
> 
> You can also find me on [tumblr](http://www.secretly-buckybarnes.tumblr.com)


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